I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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