I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
