hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
