They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
