so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
