Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
