i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
