How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
