i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
