So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
