i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
