i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
