the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
