I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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