Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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