I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
