drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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