tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
honey bunches of taint.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
