my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
