We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I want a musical about memes.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
