we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
