Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
