Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
