dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
