he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
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Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
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Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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