hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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