I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
