1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She announced her abortion via fbk
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
