So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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