he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
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