People with herpes should wear stickers.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
