there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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