I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
They have beer where we have blood.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
