did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
