I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
