I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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