You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
