I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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