um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
