So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
