So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
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Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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