I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
