One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
