I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
