real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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