also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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