Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
