The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
