theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Randomize
