No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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