My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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