Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
