WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
