I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
