I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
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I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
They took my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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