ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
