i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we made out on top of his cat.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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