Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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