Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
