everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Randomize
