I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
