I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
