My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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