I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
