my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
