Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
