Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
