And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
cat food counts as protein by the way
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
