its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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