I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
