I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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