My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
