that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
