I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
