I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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