The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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