Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
