im holly from the hills drunk
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
