new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just gift wrapped bread.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize