I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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