girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
