Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
