also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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