just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
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Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
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Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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