Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
