K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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